I hope that I didn't sound too negative last week. I really need to focus on the blessings that I have. Gratitude. I am Grateful for things like Ben being a great provider, Morgen being an excellent student, Max being so happy and playful, and Markus being so imaginative. I really am happy, I am just missing Ben a lot this week. He has had a meeting every night this week and he does again tonight. Morgen has Court of Honor tonight and I am going to see my girlies at Girl Night after that! (If Morgen will watch the boys for me?!) Ben helped his Mom on Saturday with her bathroom remodel and had a 6 am meeting on Sunday, also after church he had another meeting at the Stake Center that went until 8 p.m.!!! He missed my Mom's birthday party at Little America. He is going to Louisiana next week too. How do I deal with being so in love with him but he no longer has time for me, he just wants to know I am here and blocks me completely out of his life? How do I deal with these feelings of him being so absent but I still love him and don't want to lose him so that I just sit here and complain in my journal and cry.

B