I hope that Ben comes home soon. I miss him when he is away. He left for Shreveport on Saturday and I have been alone with four kids since. Whitney left last night, and Casey came this morning. I had a busy day today but still thought a lot about Ben - mostly that he didn't have time to call me. He did finally call me tonight but he was still at work so we didn't talk very long. I am not very good about doing everything by myself, for so long I had to while he was starting his business and while he finished his school and his Masters degree. Now he is gone for his calling or work I'm not very patient or understanding I am afraid. When I look in the mirror, I see a woman with secrets. When I don't listen to my intuition, I abandon my soul. I get grumpy and lonely when I abandon my soul because I am afraid if I don't, Ben will abandon me. I have been raised to question what I know, to discount and discredit the authority of my gut. I want to know why. I regret whenever I abandon myself. I am breaking set with what was breaking me. That is how I'm feeling tonight.
B